J-Rocker Shizuka

Something called K A R M A

2011-03-19T04:03:00.003+08:00

Dear self,

Haven't you learnt enough to know that judging would lead you down this path? And there's absolutely NO ONE to blame but YOURSELF. So suck it up and be a man about it.

Be pissed at yourself for all I care. Just quit ruining your image. This is not the kind of person you want to become. This is not what I would want for you. There isn't even any rational explanation on why you should feel this way. Where has your Ego gone to?? Fix this and get back on your feet.

Sure it sucks. Sure it's not easy. But life isn't. And after living for 2 whole decades, this should be engraved into your skull and be relatively more familiar than the A B C's.

You need to stop forming elitist images and judging people even if you don't say it out loud. Yes, karma is hell and now you're paying. Don't let yourself suffer anymore and just be cool about it. STOP BEING BLOODY PARANOID. It is not going to get you anywhere.

Anyway, why should you care. He's just another stranger and you've never cared much for strangers' judgements. So don't be bothered and stop judging others.

FIX IT. PRONTO.

Much love,

Superego.

This should work for now.

I shouldn't care. I shouldn't care. I shouldn't care. I shouldn't care. I shouldn't care. I shouldn't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.

BYE BYE STRANGER

2011-03-15T02:07:00.002+08:00

PRICK.

I hate having these kind of feelings. How can someone who is meant to be "out of sight, out of mind" be so bloody contradictory and be popping into my mind for a visit as if it's the most penetrable substance in the whole universe. Alright, so maybe it is partly my fault that it's so easily penetrable. But still...

I hate it that I keep thinking about you. I hate it that I'm feeling all overly emotional and neurotic. I hate it that I'm paranoid. I hate it that I'm falling hard. And mostly I hate the fact that I don't even know you at all. That goes to say, I don't even exist in your world. Maybe not yet. Maybe never. Do I even have cognitive resources left to shoulder this kind of load??

My heart's getting tired. That, and I need to keep my image. I'm not about to lose my mind over someone I don't know. Boy, you don't know how strong your halo effect is on me. I can't even believe that I've used psychological terms to rant in this post. Bloody hell, maybe I am losing my mind.

BUMMER. I shall not bother about you. I shall keep calm and SMELL~

SO LONG, PERSON THAT I STILL DO NOT KNOW :)

E N V Y

2010-12-16T00:46:00.003+08:00

I'm back again to rant out my thoughts.
If you can even call this a rant.

Envy. It's everywhere in my body.
Sometimes it takes over with a mind of its own. Sometimes rationally, sometimes insanely.

When I was 13, I set out on a mission to discover "my true self". With every year, that term brought more uncertainty and I kept telling myself that it will come eventually. Afterall, aren't these things one of those that comes with time? Well... I wasn't exactly right. What I'm not sure is whether I was wrong either.

7 years later and I feel like I've ran miles but I find myself at the exact same spot I was nearly a decade ago. I thought it would have come by now. Some light or some sign. Some certainty about this being that I am. About who I am, what I'm doing here. Find some purpose in this life. Find a purpose in living this life even. But I haven't. I haven't discovered anything. Haven't really experienced anything.

Envy. That's where the envy always is.
Envy that other people are so certain of who they are and why they are here.
Envy that other people have found their purpose in life.
Envy that other people are so comfortable with their life that they are living it instead of thinking of how to live it.
Envy that other people turn out as how they would naturally turn out.

Being so easily influenced, being someone who is a mix of everyone she's met...is really no joke.
I don't even know whether I'm drowning in my bubble or in the feat of the world.

Envy for that everyone is getting along with their lives. And I'm still stuck here reminiscing about the past and wishing time did not pass so fast. Karma that is the future. How ironic.

Tell me how to handle goodbyes.

FUCK YOU ESL.

2010-10-27T01:23:00.002+08:00

ESL IS SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF ME.

Yes, like a bloody Dementor.

Nothing left.

2010-10-16T23:02:00.002+08:00

It's one of those times again when my mind just won't stop replaying the past and how things were better than. Then it comes back to the current reality and everything just seems bleak. Super bleak. Maybe trips down memory lane are what keeps us all sane.

I knew two birds from the same nest that wanted the same thing - to leave the nest. Over time, one started trimming its wings, abolishing all hope to ever leave the nest. The other however, kept trying and trying. No one knows what happened to them. Neither do I. Hah.

Point is, there is no point. The vicious cycle will continue like the vicious cycle it is. Some fight against it, some just let it have its way. I'll let you decide. Story of my life, isn't it?

You, I don't know what the fuck you want from me. Just get it and go.

2 decades and still here

2010-10-11T18:51:00.003+08:00

Happy Binary Day. Nerds have failed me. So have numbers.

I didn't think I would have made it this far. I honestly thought that some part of me will fail before I reached 20 or something else would have fucked up. But it didn't (irrational judgements I presume) and here I am.

10.10.2010 The day I turned 20.
I still don't know why I'm here. How I got here (non technical wise, of course). And what I'm supposed to do now. Special date or not, I'm still stuck in this surreal cycle with so many questions to which no one can give me an answer that will satisfy my curiosity. Waiting is alright. Even routine is alright. But not knowing at all, I'm insecure that way.

Oh well, at least thousands of people are gonna celebrate their wedding anniversaries on this day (yip.pee.) and someone's got to make the balance right. That's right, I'll pass.

Have a good one y'all. Just let me have some good sometime too.

FOREVER X

2010-09-22T17:38:00.003+08:00

Once I figure out how to nicely put this into my sidebar, it is staying there forever.

Gary Go - Open Arms

2010-09-21T13:22:00.003+08:00

Whatever happened to truth
Lost without a trace
Whatever happened to the mirror
That showed me a happy face
Whatever happened to sorry
You know it’s never too late
Whatever happened to good things coming
Coming to those who wait
Whatever happened to this city
It’s not like it used to be
Whatever happened to you
Whatever happened to me

Gotta look myself in the eye
And say it’s gonna be alright
Maybe everything won’t be alright
All the time
I’ve gotta take these chances where they are
It’s gonna be alright
I’ve gotta see things for what they are
At the time  Lost with no place to begin

I’ll slowly adjust to the sun just face I’m in
Whatever happened to the list of things
I wanted to be
Whatever happened to you
Whatever happened to me

Gotta look myself in the eye
And say it’s gonna be alright
Maybe everything won’t be alright
All the time
I’ve gotta take these chances where they are
And it’s gonna be alright
I’ve gotta see things for what they are
At the time, at the time

Yeah the words are on the seam
Ready to receive I’m the ocean you’re the stream
Ready to receive It’s like open arms to me
Ready to, ready to receive

Gotta look myself in the eye
And say it’s gonna be alright
Maybe everything won’t be alright
All the time
No, I’ve gotta take these chances where they are
And it’s gonna be alright
I’ve gotta see things for what they are
At the time
I’ve gotta see things for what they are
At the time, At the time.

Forever here

2010-09-20T07:38:00.003+08:00

So it's dawned on me before and now it's coming back to haunt me again. I thought I'd do okay. And I am. But it can't be like this forever, and forever is a bloody long time.

I don't know how long I'd last without help. I don't even know if I could survive on my own and here I am with my fractured dreams trying to make something happen. No, rather, I've stopped trying to make it happen and am just now taking whatever comes to me.

It's my fault that I don't know how to make choices, that I can't decide on what I want. Or maybe I wasn't given the chance to. But it still stands that no one is at fault. No one ever really is. It's always justified. Always so reasonable that I don't see any reason to question. Or maybe I've just gotten too tired trying.

Puzzles. Riddles. Life.

Writing doesn't give me relief like it used to. All these rants do nothing to soothe whatever turmoil I'm sensing. But as usual I might be exaggerating. Always the drama queen.

a jjongkey a day keeps the insanity away

2010-09-16T22:53:00.004+08:00

YAY MORE JONGKEY TO FILL MY SAD LIFE WITH JOY =D

I have already started planning the things I wanna do during the Dec hols. Counting down the days would be an understatement. Okay, fantasy over. Gotta get back to the reality that is ESL + Health Psy.

BYE-YEOM~

SHHCOOL IS NOT COOL.

2010-09-14T00:12:00.003+08:00

School = Essays = Dumbledore = SUCKY. 'Nuff said.

She probably thinks we have way too much time on our hands to be asking us to re-do essays 2 days before the final version of the essay is due. And we probably think she has way too much time on her hands coz she doesn't mark much or practically do much in class. Well, I'm paying for your extra hour of class that you don't use, bitch. Better well give me an A.

I don't even sound remotely coherent right now. THANK YOU SO MUCH ESL.

I need to be in Jongkey heaven right now.

& the world is happy again

2010-09-11T17:46:00.005+08:00

My J and K babies together :'D I think imma bawl.
From left: Takeru, LeeU, Shinpei, Kan, Yuji.

First day of Raya went by pretty fast. Today I'm planning to mug at home. Only that it's nearly 6pm and I...just haven't started yet. HUR HUR. There's loads of shit to download for NTR and videos to download for PSY. HOLY.

Oh well... Slack today, mug tomorrow. Or later. Okay, just not now. I'M GONNA GO COUNT MY MOOLAH. Kbye.

2010-09-09T00:54:00.002+08:00

CLICK.

& now having chibis crawling all over my desktop is a must coz it feels empty without 'em.

Anyway, I am all rage now because it isn't fair that most of the stuff we're graded on are so bloody subjective. Yes, even theoretical stuff coz granted, everyone's forte is different. HAVING LOWER GRADES DOES NOT MAKE ME LESS OF AN INTELLECTUAL BEING. Parents need to get that into their head.

Okay, it's just writing essays are driving me majorly CRAY CRAY coz I struggle to express myself well on a daily basis and here I am being graded for it in my essays. Brilliant.

Desktop Chibis~

2010-09-07T11:54:00.003+08:00

Been playing around with these for hours! ADDICTED. Big Bang, SHINee and 2PM are all making friends on my desktop yay~ Okay, now I need me some J-Rock ones. PRONTO.

Writing Miracles

2010-09-05T06:16:00.003+08:00

For I am not like the others.

A little less personality, a little less developed, a little more underground. And definitely not perfect.

I'm not like the rest of my kind. Their perfect looks, quirky personality, they are the ideal package. But there is still this part of me that hopes you might notice someday. Notice something more in the background than just the faint peeling wallpaper. Notice the whole different world that exists in the background. Notice me.

---------------------------------------------

Like a spark, it ignited and sooner or later, if everything goes well, I hope it bursts into brilliant flames. I'm starting to write again and I'm hoping I won't lose it this time round. Pretty sure Adam had something to do with it. Hmm, might be leaving so soon after all then.

Holy crap it's been some

2010-09-05T02:14:00.003+08:00

Apparently I started to miss Blogspot. Sure had it perks, this blog. Not to mention the fact it inspired me to write. Tumblr made me lazy ;_; So I'm back for now (after a helluva long hiatus).

Things are still the same. Life's still meaningless and I'm back to doing the school-home-school-home routine again. Only now there's textbooks and being all quiet in school. Yeah, I haven't laughed in ages. Yes, me. Haven't laughed. In ages. Guess I'm not gonna die from laughing too much after all.

Other than that I've been sucked into the world of a kind of foreign pop and being well...'updated' since then. Oh, believe me, I don't want to. But it's....addictive. (HAH. It's a justification for my actions.)

Oh boy, that was one nice rant. Maybe I'll start use this again after all.

These two are the ones keeping me happy now.

P.S. Am still over at Tumblr --> atelieravenue.tumblr.com

TUMBLR!

2009-07-04T16:34:00.002+08:00

This blog is on hiatus.
I'm going on vacation.
paradoxinstinct.tumblr.com

I've got a confession to make

2009-06-28T02:43:00.000+08:00

SOON. I hope.

KRADAM Lovefest

2009-06-28T02:21:00.004+08:00

Adam: "They're clearly misinterpreting our friendship."
Kris: *puts arm behind Adam*
Adam: *laughs and cover face*

-DIES-

The most cutest shit EVER.
And I'm starting to doubt who's seme.
Nyahaha.

I can't make you love me

2009-06-26T03:27:00.000+08:00

"Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
cause I can't make you love me, if you don't"

And we all have the same things to go through

2009-06-26T02:54:00.004+08:00

I thought I was overreacting. Maybe I still am.
But it's been over a week. And I still feel the same.
Why? What happened? What did I do?
I wish someone would just tell me.
I wish YOU would just tell me.

-------------------------------------

I knew it.
Last week was gonna be sucky and it was gonna snowball.
Well, it did, didn't it?
It's just gonna get suckier, trust me.
N great, I have officially lost all skill to express.
So I guess all of it is staying inside.
Not that anyone wants to listen anyway right?

Stop whining Myra, stop whining.

How did we get here

2009-06-15T23:24:00.005+08:00

Different like the seasons now.
Used to get you, used to get me.
What happened?

2009-06-11T22:55:00.002+08:00

YAY! Feel the Gaga Mania!

-----------------

ADAMGASM!

And I can't get enough of this smexy awesome-steroned alien <3
(Yeah, alien coz he is so not human. Like he's way to dsjfklsjfl to be a human right.)
I'm losing coherency pretty fast these days.
I mean like, you know what I mean right?
OkayBYE.

2009-06-10T23:29:00.001+08:00

I need to get the damn pictures I swear.
My blog is as dry as a goddamn desert I swear.

Okay. BBQ pics soon!
And Kusu's too!

Remind me. LOL.

Update!

2009-06-08T17:46:00.000+08:00

Kusu Island yesterday.
Fever today.
Pics later.

Hiatus Miatus

2009-06-07T08:08:00.003+08:00

I haven't been blogging lately.
Lack of idea?
Plain lazy?
I think both. Hah.
Or maybe coz FYP has been taking up most of my time and my hols.

And I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but...
I WANT MY SLEEP.

-This post was totally redundant and was for fun.-

KRADAM FEVER

2009-05-29T02:46:00.001+08:00

Kris is getting touchyyyy. HO HO HO.

May the force be with you.

2009-05-27T23:29:00.004+08:00

Damn those pigs.

The end is near.

*Tries to do expression* -points below-

And this picture eerily reminds me of Haiqal.

THE WAY THEY HAVE SEX IS SO RETARDED. HAHAHA.

2009-05-20T20:10:00.004+08:00

Like how I was hooked onto Virtual Villagers 1 and 2, this one caught my attention straightaway.
And it's way cuterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr :D

Virtual Families

Birdie bye bye

2009-05-20T17:52:00.003+08:00

I'm being monitored more than someone in a prison cell.

"Are you done?"

"Where are you?"

"Are you home?"

I think I got out of the cell, took some air, got a breather, and when I thought I was free, I walked right back into the cell.
How stupid of me.

Thanks for cheering me up, you guys.
You know I love you. ♥

DEE AYE EEE

2009-05-18T01:08:00.001+08:00

I bought procrastination awhile ago and now the consequences are starting to sink in.

Damn this assignment is teh pits. UGH.

Glambert

2009-05-14T11:55:00.000+08:00

Slow ridin' baby you're so fine.

Omegle me

2009-05-07T15:59:00.002+08:00

You: hi
Stranger: hhi
Stranger: m/28/holland
You: nice
You: u have big dick?
Stranger: yeah..you?
You: me too
You: high five
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Bored? Omegle now!

2009-05-06T00:59:00.001+08:00

I'm SICK and TIRED of doing things for people.
Kindly just FUCK OFF before I blow.

you

2009-05-04T15:39:00.002+08:00

"Did you know
when you're around
my heart won't
it can't slow down
beat so hard
makes it hard
to catch my breath."

2009-05-03T13:18:00.002+08:00

Just when you thought this guy couldn't get any hotter.

X live 02.05.2009

2009-05-02T19:38:00.008+08:00

Depressingly, there was no streaming that worked.
But these, and the constant updates were good enough.
I guess I'll wait for them torrents now.
X. Forever.

Yet another 2nd May.

2009-05-02T19:00:00.004+08:00

11th year.
We miss you.

RB

2009-05-01T01:17:00.002+08:00

I'm really keen on this.
Does it seem too much of a sin?
Sigh.
It is forbidden afterall.

DS strikes again!

2009-04-29T15:44:00.004+08:00

Download Spreeeeee! :D

This is what happens when I am attempting to do my FYP research, deprived of my green milk tea and restless with my music playlist. And oh, my visual kei addiction is baaaaaaaaaaack :D

\m/

2009-04-29T11:12:00.001+08:00

Extasy Summit 1992

Bring those good old times back!

Takeoffs and Landings

2009-04-28T12:23:00.002+08:00

Which do I pick?

---------------------------------------

I'm in a landing and my plane is going to take off soon.
I wish there were no landings.
I wish there was no takeoff.
I wish there was no plane.

2009-04-25T00:04:00.001+08:00

This cannot be happening.
I don't know if I can take this.

Click this fucking link.

FUCK.

Schuh

2009-04-22T22:29:00.003+08:00

Hi.
Everyone's asleep.
I'm still bummed that I can't blog from my phone.
Adam Lambert is on idol but I'm too blah-ed to go down, pick up the remote and turn the teevee on.
And I feel like blogging but the only thing I can churn out are these redundant stuff.
I shall just retreat back to my cave and continue stoning then.
Bye.

C.C.C.

2009-04-19T20:24:00.005+08:00

The past week has been awesome and it's all coz of the SLs and tremendous amount of energy from the juniors.
Love y'all <3

2009-04-18T15:03:00.001+08:00

I don't know what I'm fucking feeling right now.
Sigh. It's fucking stupid.
But what else can I do right?

I should just fuck real feelings.
I'll just chill. Like I always do in front of everyone.

Y-O-S-H-I-K-I

2009-04-14T01:59:00.003+08:00

OH MY GOD.
FUCK, KILL ME. NOW.
K NEVERMIND.
I
JUST
DIED.

JR & MGG SPAMMMMMMMMM

2009-04-12T18:26:00.003+08:00

OMG JASPER AND REID MET.
OMG OMG.
OMG OKAY IM GONNA WATCH.
OKAY OMG BYE.

-----------------------------------------

OH THE YAYNESS OF THE WORLD THEYFUCKINGMET.
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYYY.

And the episode just gets better.
Pretty isn't he?

Mizuuuu, lookieeeeeee.
Guess who?

*dies*
He and Reid can go date and be happy now.
^_^

And BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Kbye.

Kentucky Fried Chikin with curry sauce.

2009-04-10T21:47:00.003+08:00

Yeah, I just ate that and it tastes more awesome than eaten with chilli sauce XD
Chao chee, you were right.
Original DOES taste better.
Idk how I got hooked onto crispy.
Bahaha.

f.l.a.g.

2009-04-09T22:51:00.002+08:00

It gets awesomely bigass every time.
And it's screaming at me again.
Now or later?

breakout

2009-04-09T20:53:00.003+08:00

So far.
You're the worst outbreak.

Fucking outbreaks.
They shouldn't be allowed to exist.
Someone fucking move Singapore away from the goddamn equator thanks.

Ready. Set. Break!

2009-04-09T03:34:00.003+08:00

I think I need a break from teevees and scissors.
It's becoming a mantra and my head lost count.

---------------------------------------------------------
Nothing's changed.
Oh hurray!
Or not.

Red one
Konvict
Myra
J-j-j-j-j-just give up.

peels

2009-04-08T02:00:00.002+08:00

SLEEP IS SUCH A FUCKING GODDAMN WASTE OF TIME.

It is so fucked up that only Stephanie Meyer's vampires don't need sleep.
Motherfuckers. They got so many goddamn time on their hands.
No wonder they get to be elites. PFFT.

I'm just feeling pissy coz I'm feeling sleepy.
AND I DON'T WANNA GO TO SLEEP.
Kbye.

A walk to remember.

2009-04-07T02:03:00.005+08:00

"Love is patient and kind,
it is never jealous.

Love is never boastful or conceited,
it is never rude or selfish.

It does not take offence,
and it is never resentful.

Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins,
but delights and the truth.

It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure,
Whatever comes.

Love does not come to an end."

<3

2009-04-06T20:30:00.003+08:00

And I'm just getting started.
More to come :D

domRan

2009-04-06T18:31:00.003+08:00

"A dream of you wrapped inside another reality."

I want a fucking good-looking onion.
Guess that's too much to ask for.

Well, guess what?
Stuck in another cycle, I am.
Maybe a vortex is more apt.
But whatever, doesn't change the fact I'm still in it.

Yeah I know I know.
C'est La Vie.

Siblings. Oh how I love mine.

2009-04-01T23:26:00.006+08:00

All grown up.
Things used to be so different last time.
One thing didn't change though,
HOW SHE NEVER FAILS TO IRRITATE ME. lol.

By the youngest.
You don't get this kind of treatment when its war. Haha.

2009-03-28T21:28:00.001+08:00

Earth hour!
Oh the darkness <33

Gaga Prentiss

2009-03-28T00:55:00.002+08:00

New haircut.
And this morning when I wanted to buy green tea from Banquet, the lady said it was sold out.
SOLD OUT?!?!
STOCK EM GREEN TEA DAMMIT.
Wtfwtfwtfwtfwtf.

EmmmDoubleewwwww

2009-03-24T22:53:00.002+08:00

Damn boyyyy damnnnn.
That is one buff guy I wouldn't mind dating.
*Swoons*

2009-03-23T19:19:00.002+08:00

Epitome of Romantique~

A'ST1

2009-03-23T11:59:00.006+08:00

I KNEW IT.
I JUST KNEW MING WAS IN A BAND.
I JUST KNEW ITTTTTTTTTTTTTT.
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Sjkstkjskfuregnjkdgrgkedg *more incoherent mumbling followed by excessive bleeding*
Down
Load
Spreeeeeeee

imgoingcrazy imgoingcrazy imgoingcrazy
okaybye.

ANTIQUE BAKERY

2009-03-23T11:56:00.000+08:00

NEED I SAY MORE???
GO AND FUCKING WATCH.
K BYE.
*ROCKET NOSEBLEED*

K-REAL

2009-03-22T19:41:00.001+08:00

Kyaaaaaa~ *Nosebleeds*
I swear if they don't make it big one day, the world is blind, deaf and mute.
My money's still on them <3

KNSMB

2009-03-19T02:13:00.001+08:00

Missed <3

2009-03-15T23:00:00.003+08:00

Blueberry pancakessss for breakfast XD
I love me mummeh. <3

2009-03-14T22:31:00.003+08:00

Yet another.
He's growing up so fast.
And he reminds me sooooo much of Yoshiki now.
<3

FB madness

2009-03-11T01:09:00.000+08:00

So apparently Facebook can tell the future now.

2009-03-09T20:34:00.002+08:00

I'm back from hiatus! :D

There are so many things I wanna blog about but everytime the urge comes, I don't seem to have a computer with internet close enough for me to blog. BLAH.

Call me spoilt, but right now, I don't think I'm cut out for a full-time job. I can't. It's fucking draining. Meh. I think I just wanna do freelance. Hah.

Hmm... so basically I have been rotting, watching criminal minds on my off-days (well, besides FYP and FOP that is), stoning and listening to people ramble about minial stuff, and oh, I just recently jinxed a gig. Oh, how colourful. 8D (_ _);;

Blah. 4 more weeks till I get my life back.
Till then motherfuckers~

Obvious

2009-02-21T23:08:00.001+08:00

To the oblivious:

We started as friends
But something happened inside me
Now I'm reading into everything
There's no sign you hear the lightning, baby

You don't ever notice me turning on my charm
Or wonder why I'm always where you are

I've made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
(I've crushed on you so long, but on and on you get me wrong)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song

I've heard you talk about (heard you talk about)
How you want someone just like me (just like me, ooh)
Everytime I ask you out (time I ask you out)
We never move pass friendly, no no

You don't ever notice how I stare when we're alone
Or wonder why I keep you on the phone

I've made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
(I've crushed on you so long (so long) but on and on you get me wrong)
I'm not so good with words
Since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song
Yeah...

You are my very first thought in the morning
And my last at nightfall
You are the love that came without warning
I need you, I want you to know

I've made it obvious
So finally I'll sing it
(I've crushed on you so long)
Oh yeah
I'm not so good with words
Since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song

And try to sing it until the day you're holding me
I've wanted you for so long but on and on you get me wrong
I more than (more than) adore you (adore you)
But since you never seem to see

Since you never seem to see
I'll say it in this love song

- Westlife

2009-02-19T23:16:00.000+08:00

Stay and fight or give up and walk away?
My head is swimming in dilemma.
And even so, I know this will come to no good end.

Not even your instincts should you trust.
I guess I will stay.
I will stay and fight.

7 more weeks and counting...

2009-02-14T22:16:00.006+08:00

Hell, more chains and a pricked finger with oozing blood.
Oh, and boredom too. Like as if I didn't get enough of that from rotting.
I totally hate this. No wait, I don't only hate it, I LOATHE. ABHOR.
7 more weeks and I'll be free. If I'm lucky, I may even get my soul back.

No rest, no rest.
I'd rather be slugging my guts out for FYP right now.
Doing mugging, digging up papers to revise my oh so rusty Japanese now.
(I called a Japanese Lady today and when she said "moshi moshi", my heart just fluttered. See, I do belong in Japan. PFFT.)
Ah well, guess I'm stuck in a no online world for a few days at a time till April.
Till then, pray I'll get out of it in one piece alive and kicking.

To:
Dude, be online when I am.
Ila, get your fucking laptop back! I miss you.
Mizu, thanks for entertaining me during torture hours.
Jasper baby, I shall need to abandon you for days at a time. Don't die on me T_T
K that's all. :)

Oh, and Happy Muslims-fell-in-battle-today-but-celebrate-it-anyway day.
Kbye.

2009-02-08T21:21:00.004+08:00

What I have been doing for the past few eons that I haven't updated.

My baby.

My alteregos?

Camwhoring.

Yay. I updated.
Tuesday, don't come.

Official Confinement Day 4

2009-01-29T15:19:00.002+08:00

"We got married"

And because of them, expectations now run high.
I'm gonna continue watching.

Official Confinement Day 3

2009-01-28T17:11:00.003+08:00

Another day of rottingness at home.
Pet Society is down.
And I had to go through those sorted files in my head to select what to blog.
Soooooooooooooooooo, it's band promotion time!

Kyrielle

One look and you're attracted. Listen to their music and hell, you'll fall in love. Need I say more? BRING KYRIELLE TO SINGAPORE! :D

SAI

A lighter version of Kyrielle? Ah, heck, awesome too anyways. :D

Scars

A band with a good aura to their music :D

Support Talent!!! 8D

Official Confinement Day 2

2009-01-27T19:56:00.002+08:00

My life just turned crappier within the past few seconds.
No wonder I see a dark future.
No, scrap that. No wonder I see no future.
I should like die. Now.
I hate my life.

-------------------------------------------------

Sims-ing is what I have been doing for the past 2 days.

Let's now meet the Whitlock family,
Jasper, Alice, Rocker and Rockette.

Yay!

And then there's the occasional download spree that I love a lot.
Sincrea's new album is out~ Woot woot =D

I shall continue my rotting and worry about Friday.
Jaa~

Official Confinement Day 1

2009-01-26T14:42:00.002+08:00

I couldn't stand the past two days and now its only the first day of hols. OMG.

You Should Play the Piano

You are a true music aficionado who loves many musical style and eras.

You find music to be an escape. And you'd like to be relaxed and comfortable when you're making it.

You're very innovative, and you have a unique way of knowing what may sound beautiful.

There's a strong possibility that you could compose some of your own work songs quite easily.

While you have a lot of creative energy, you are also serious and conscientious.

Your musical talent needs time, practice, and lots of privacy to flourish.

Your dominant personality characteristic: your painstaking attention to detail

Your secondary personality characteristic: your natural tendency to be whimsical

What Musical Instrument Should You Play?

You Are Traditional and Dependable

You view the world with childlike wonder. You are very inquisitive. You can help but spy, investigate, and ask questions.

Your life is all about change. Right now, you may be going through some changes you really don't like.

You're easy going and easy to be around. You aren't picky or high maintenance.

You seek security in your life. Feeling safe is important to you.

The Sandwich Cookie Personality Test

You Are 72% Bipolar

You're more than moody - you're a bit unstable.

If your mood swings are effecting your life, you may need to seek help.

Are You Bipolar?

You Communicate With Your Ears

You love conversations, both as a listener and a talker.

What people say is important to you, and you're often most affected by words, not actions.

You love to hear complements from others. And when you're upset, you often talk to yourself.

Music is very important to you. It's difficult to find you without your iPod.

How Do You Communicate?

And I guess I'll be doing more of those if not watching dramas during confinement. Hah.
I'm gonna play another round of Sims later.
My hale died. TWICE. Sims is fucked.
Meh.

2009-01-14T22:42:00.005+08:00

I've been giving out so much mucus today that it's probably enough to manufacture the new-age super glue.

I can already see the ad for it. -___-

Sneeze more!
Help increase the production of the new-age super glue!

Oh boyyyy. I need to stop crapping so much.
And I have a cute he baby cousin.
K bye.

I need to stop swearing

2009-01-13T22:06:00.003+08:00

This world is getting ridiculous by the minute.

I guess I'll check it out of pure boredom.
Okay, I admit, 90% boredom. 10% guys.
Why did they have to make soujiroh (red head fyi) so cutee >w<

Buy me taro turnovers and I'm your best friend.
By the way, I think your back is sexay.

2009-01-09T16:15:00.001+08:00

I did that.

Okay, nah, I didn't.
I'm just super bored.
I think I'll die once it comes to the 10 weeks holidays.
Confinement much.
Ugh ugh ugh.

2009-01-08T22:46:00.002+08:00

The coolest delegates you can ever get all around the world
RP Open House 2009

I love meeting X fans X3

Past two days have been awesome and I hope it gets awesomer.
I need to clear my hard disk. It's running out of space.
Up for reformatting anyone?

2009-01-02T10:39:00.004+08:00

I wanna blabbering like a motherfucker.

Six Dome Shows In Their Crosshairs

2008-12-30
X JAPAN

X JAPAN has finally announced that they will play six dome shows this spring. This is no doubt wonderful news to fans who have been anxiously awaiting the next chapter of the band's attack plans, but some may be taking it with the proverbial grain of salt.

Of the six shows that have been announced, four will be performed in Tokyo Dome, the site of their three-day solo reunion shows this year. The venues for the other two shows have not yet been revealed. The band hopes to invade about 300,000 people in this next wave of their attack.

Will they finally make it to Europe and Asia, as previously planned? Only time will tell. In the meantime, let's all look forward to their upcoming countdown show at Akasaka BLITZ. Will you be seeing it live, at the movies, on TV, or over the internet? Enjoy it however you can!

6 MORE SHOWS IN JAPAN?
Omg omg omg. That is A LOT. N plus the world tour.
And plus this...

Is S.K.I.N. Activity On The Horizon?

2008-12-31
S.K.I.N. / YOSHIKI / MIYAVI / Gackt / SUGIZO

A certain member of S.K.I.N. made a recent post in his diary about playing guitar. Which one could it be?

It's up to you to search their blogs, but here's an important keyword: S.K.I.N.! In the same entry, he mentioned the name of the popular one-show superband that had everybody talking for months before and after their performance in Los Angeles. They never had any official releases that weren't some kind of clothing or concert item-- what could be next for this epic unit of four?

Aforementioned member commented that he was on his way to do something as a guitarist of S.K.I.N. Let's all hope to hear more from them in 2009!!

Omg omg omg. I hope its not too much for Yoshiki >w<

And I fucking missed the X count-fucking-down gig.
Call myself a fan.
Pfffffffffffffffffttttttttttttttt.
I'm pissed.

U + K X'mas [Gackt]

2008-12-25T23:48:00.004+08:00

Drakk Cullen says Merry X'mas~ :D

It's been freezing 2 days and I miss home. Not exactly a white xmas, but i've been having fun in the cold. Beats Singapore, seriously. I haven't perspired in 2 days.

The houses are awesome for exploiting rebellion. Perfect for a photoshoot. Mizu, I probably know what to give you for your 25th birthday or something. Haha. Or maybe even earlier, who knows. Wait and seeeeee. LOL.

Ah, I'll be back home soon. Can't wait.
Miss you all <3

Dear my friend,

2008-12-18T16:27:00.000+08:00

You may have not realised how far we've grown apart.
I feel world's away from you now.
Like as if we have only been superficial friends since the beginning.

Remember how we used to say, no matter what, we will still be under the same sky?
Remember how we used to make silly pacts and say we'll never grow apart from each other?
Remember how we said we won't ever forget each other?

You might not believe it, but I miss you.
I miss you a lot.

2008-12-13T13:07:00.002+08:00

First day of hols and I already miss you guys.
FASTER PLAN OUTING! NOW NOW NOW. Hahaha.

To Ila & Nao

2008-12-13T09:57:00.005+08:00

"You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late, this could all disappear
Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend
Yeah, yeah

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

La da da da
La da da da
La da da da da da da da da

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Keep holding on
Keep holding on

There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through"

I'm not so good with words so that pretty much sums up what I wanted to say.
We three will meet up and hang out pretty soon okay <3

Newest Obsession

2008-12-10T14:50:00.003+08:00

ReivieЯ.
Their songs are pretty much awesome. <3
And I guess it din work on me this time.
I ended up falling in love with the guitarist instead. LOL.
Maybe coz he looks like Saga.

Nah, cross out that revelation.
Totally ruined the image -_-;;

Anyway, check them out.
http://reivier.com/

And I guess it's confirmed.
I got my Jrock Bug back <333

2008-12-07T21:53:00.002+08:00

So close yet so very far.
I wish I could just reach out and... and... and I'll have to think about that.

I'm done with the drama. The ending and revelation definitely threw me offguard.
But well, I'm only half satisfied with the ending.
Ahh well, as it all goes with dramas, I'm never fully satisfied with the ending.
Well, except for Hana Kimi Japan.
And those are alot of "well"s.
Ah well....

2008-12-06T20:01:00.002+08:00

I've found something to kill time. Yay!

But I swear to god u need patience when you're watching this.
There were times I just felt like giving up and closing the bloody window coz there was just wayyyyy too many alienation effects.
But something is compelling me to go on watching.

Ahh, I'll just watch on then.

2008-12-01T21:21:00.001+08:00

Today has been pretty much a good day.
It's getting somewhere I guess but that may just be wishful thinking.
I don't wanna think too much into it.
But I can't stop thinking about it.
Someone just kill me and get it done and over with. LOL.

And guess what, there's a street named after me in Aussie land.

Woooooooo.
Okay, I'm done.

Addiction, Expressions & other random things

2008-11-30T21:57:00.003+08:00

I think I'm getting addicted to closures. A chapter just began and I already want the ending without much less of a bother with all the drama in between. Which is not necessarily a good thing. It has just become a part of my nature after so long. You might even call it a habit. I call it a wall, and yeah, though I know its harmful, it's one I intend to keep.

----------------------------

I was watching all the past vids of the staircase sessions the effers had today. And I realised my expressions don't match I was feeling at those particular times. Sheesh. I seem to have a problem.

While other people's expressions reflect what they really feel, mine seem to be opposite quite a number of times. And then people misunderstand. And then things happen. -____-;; I need expression classes. Anyone up for it?

Well, just to be sure, don't trust my expressions 100% because it may show opposite of what I really feel half the time. I need face control.

----------------------------

And so I have been spending my time entertaining my pet (or is it the other way round? -__-) in pet society and playing all those wars games on Facebook. (I know, such a loser man), and reading Nicholas Spark's books coz my mum seemed to have gotten this fandom over Nicholas Sparks and the next thing I know, she bought the whole collection of his books.

Can you believe it she finished 3 books already? -_____- I'm like still at the first one. ^$&$!@!@@%$^&

Give me something to kill time thanks.
And oh yeah, EFFERS, I MISS YOU GUYS <3

2008-11-26T18:04:00.002+08:00

When everything is going wrong and things are just a little strange
It's been so long now you've forgotten how to smile.
And overhead the skies are clear but it still seems to rain on you,
And your only friends all have better things to do.

[Chorus:]
When your down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When your down and lost
Along the way
Oh, just tell yourself
Ah, I'll be OK

Now things are only getting worse and you need someone to take the blame
When your lover's gone there's no-one to share the pain
Your sleeping with the TV on and your lying in an empty bed
All the alcohol in the world could never help me to forget

[Chorus:]
When your down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When your down and lost
Along the way,
Just try a little harder
Try your best to make it
Through the day,
Oh just tell yourself
Ah, I'll be OK

You're not alone (you're not alone)
You're not alone (you're not alone)
You're not alone

Just tell yourself
Ah, I'll be OK
Oh, just tell yourself
Ah, I'll be OK
Won't you tell yourself

[Chorus:]
When your down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When your down and lost
Along the way,
Try a little harder
Try your best to make it
Through the day

Oh, just tell yourself
Ah, I'll be OK
Ah, I'll be OK
Ah, I'll be OK

Yeah, I'll be okay.

Little things make me happy.

2008-11-24T22:15:00.002+08:00

And so I was feeling down and well, just down (-__-) and then, well.....

ilovemyangelandrea! says:
we are???
ilovemyangelandrea! says:
hahahah
しずか - X. Forever. says:
X!!!!!!!
しずか - X. Forever. says:
hahahaha

That just made my day. Haha.
Thanks balls.
Even though I know u dunno. LOL.

I want a Vkei wedding.

2008-11-23T18:05:00.002+08:00

So I attended a malay wedding today at the ACM. Posh one I suppose.

First it was people in the aircon area didn't want to budge. (Well, coz they're in the air con area and outside was bloody hot.) So anyways, even if you're in the aircon area, you can still buzz off after eating. But noooooo, they just had to keep sitting there. So we ended up sitting outside anyways.

Second was the people. Jeez, wannabes. JUST BECAUSE it's a posh wedding doesn't give you the right to be all arrogant and stuck up just to make your insecure self feel better. Look around and observe. Everyone's malay. Including you. Why are you being all nose-in-the-air-asking-for-special-treatment for?

Third was the music. The bloody irritating INDONESIAN music. Not only can't I understand. The singers can't even do the dialect properly. And well, it was annoying. So yeah, I may be biased against the malay cultural music, this one really annoys the shit out of me.

I'm done ranting. So I told my mum. When I get married, malay music is DEFINITELY a No-No.
And she said, you're gonna do your nikah and you can go off for your honeymoon. No need to be so troublesome.

LOL!

And I guess my mum was pretty random. I told her I was wearing a belt today coz the pants are loose so I can't eat a lot or I'll feel bloated.

Mum: Oh okay. Btw, do you know what the number zero said to number eight?
Me: Uhhhh. No?
Mum: Zero said "You so fat still want to wear belt." *laugh by herself*
*Silence and a blank stare from me*
Me: (Finally getting it) OH. -____________________-

Yet Another.

2008-11-22T23:03:00.003+08:00

You know I can only stay pessimistic for the first few days.
And then all the negative reasoning starts to sink in.
And well, all will end the same anyway.

It gets me thinking and thinking till it keeps me awake at night.
Thoughts run through my head and they won't slow down.

Am I still stuck in the vicious cycle?
When will it end?

An onion once, an onion forever.
A sad story.

"I, I'm really falling for you
I, hate what you're putting me through
What have you done to me now?
I just can't sleep at night"

Awesome start to an awesome end.

2008-11-20T21:56:00.004+08:00

Mizu, Otanjobi omedetou~
(I've decided to make the father daughter post together :P )
Guess what?
Riku did a recording for your birthday~!!

Nyahahaha~
(Okay, sorry I'm wayyyy too lame today >.>)

And today, the birth of a legend who changed my life and so many others.
We are forever indebted.
I am forever indebted.

Otanjobi Omedetou, Yoshiki-sama~
Sorry I've been totally crappy on my part. (_ _);;

A person with few words.
I really need to start learning how to express myself better. Sigh.

Why? Beats me.

2008-11-20T15:49:00.002+08:00

Understanding?
Not fussy?
Not a bitch?

Don't be.
No one will ever fall for you if you are.

Well, at least that's how the society now.

Fate.

2008-11-17T21:05:00.002+08:00

The third one turned out as I expected.
Thank god the closure I was seeking for came.
And it hell took it's own sweet time.
But it came.

See how inferior the onion looks beside the apple?
But yet what you don't see on the surface matters most.
Layers and layers onion has that the apple doesn't.
One day, people are gonna realise that the onion is more superior to the apple in more ways than one and regret choosing one over the other.
But well, that, only a miracle in the real world.
And I can only hope for that miracle to happen.

2008-11-16T00:26:00.002+08:00

Haven't been in a much blogging mood lately. But when it comes back, it's gonna come back full force. I promise.

Well, the sisters and aunt have flown of to the better (and more scenic) side of the world and now I'm an only child for another month and a half. It actually scares me I have to spend more time with my parents to make up for my sisters not being here. Plus, I just got lectured (AGAIN) for using the computer so much that I am losing touch with the real world. OH PUH LEASE. More like the internet is the only way for me to KEEP IN TOUCH with the real world. Contradicting much?

Anyway, something sparked my fandom for McFly. And now I look at them with reknowned respect. Holy hell, I almost forgot how AWESOME Doug is on bass. Don't even get me started on the rest.

Well, besides that, my life has been slightly upheaving with Reflections still going on. But besides that, everything is still the same. Same old same old. I don't actually want to think about the future right now. I'm okay with the routinal shit. It gets boring, but at least you know what to expect when you wake up in the morning. At least, I won't look lost.

Mum's been bugging me about my future. But for now? I'll just take the risk and not think about it first, thanks.

What have I been doing for the past few days?

2008-11-10T18:40:00.002+08:00

Yeap. Worse one. Ever.